Halloween made simpler...

 

I was trying to remember the Halloweens of my childhood,...Little kids went trick-or-treating after school, the big kids, after dark.  I remember jack-o-lanterns, those little paper treat bags, lots of candy, and a couple of my costumes.  In particular, I remember a Rubik's Cube costume I made where I couldn't actually join my hands together to hold my trick-or-treat bag...I bet MANY people of my age had the same problem, because that was THE costume that year...1980 or '81?

What kind of Halloween do I want for my children?  Frankly, it could be a holiday that I would readily skip, and when something else happens to come up on that date--skip it, we will...at least while my kids are young.  But, in society, it is rather present, if not pervasive.  People were surprised that I didn't take my daughter trick-or-treating when she was 14 months old...um, she wouldn't remember anything and didn't have any understanding of it?!  But as ahe gets older, Halloween's presence makes itself known...in the big city where we live, every restaurant and store has decorations, most of the cheap and cheesy sort.  They're hard to miss.

About costumes, I'm going to try...really try...to not use store-bought costumes as much as possible.  My daughter wore a cozy hand-me-down frog costume last year and her brother will wear it this year, but I think I'm OK with doing it for the warmth factor.  This year my daughter is in a heavy-on-the-pink phase so she agreed to be a flamingo, and we happen to have everything we need to put it together--including a pink baseball cap of mine that will somehow be transformed into the flamingo's head/beak.  Props to the book Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What Do You Hear? (Martin/Carle), for the inspiration for simple animal costumes.  (Well some of the masks might not be so simple, but using simple clothing to evoke the animal is great!)

Here in Montreal, the tradition is for everyone to go trick-or-treating after dark, so last year, when my daughter was two years old and I found out that her daycare was going to visit a few merchants on our borough's main shopping street during the day, I thought that was perfect for her first trick-or-treat experience.  I tagged along for the photo op since it was her first time.  This year she will do the same, with the possible addition of her 18 month old brother.  We will carve pumpkins a few days earlier and use as much of the pumpkin for cooking as possible.  We will put some homemade decorations in the windows, but not until a week before at the very soonest.  We will hand out candy to those that come to our door.

Last but not least, we will add a new tradition, thanks to my husband's idea, of preparing treats (perhaps store bought, but we'll put some sort of homemade packaging on them, at least), and then distributing them to some of our neighbours...yes, distributing them...why not? This fall, we have begun the tradition of going for a walk as a family for about a half an hour after supper, so this is perfect...we'll visit some neighbors and wish them a happy halloween.  Nice.

I realize that when my children become more busy with friends, that we will most likely adjust our Halloween traditions, but I am happy to be thoughtful about it right from the start and have my children grow up knowing that when it comes to traditions, it's fun to make your own, and it's possible to simply do what feels right to you and leave out altogether or adjust what doesn't.  Pretty good life lesson, I think.

Sand is your friend.

Ode to Sand

Gritty and rough.
My daughter loves you,
Dirty or clean. 
Pails, shovels and sifters--
Friends come running.
You live at the beach
And the park.
You also live in
The stroller,
The car,
And every room in our house.
You find all the cracks
And crevices.   
All of them.   
You are a friend.

I never knew that having children would bring so much sand into my life.  We live in a major city and have no yard, so we play every day at a nearby park (we have the choice of several).  The evolution of my daughter’s play went from swings to sand to slides to sand and now to climbing and sand.  She dives in it and has eaten quite a bit of it! 

She manages to get sand in all of her pockets, in her shoes, in her diaper and in her ears.  She also brings it into the house (despite the emptying of the shoes outside).  It ends up in her bed at nap time, in her high chair at lunch time, on the changing table and I have several times wound up with quite a bit in my bra!

I’m getting used to it.  I wear shoes in the laundry room and have put a little rug outside the laundry room door so whatever sand I drag in there in the laundry baskets stays in there.  But it is everywhere, it seems, and it requires more sweeping, vacuuming and laundry than I’d like to be doing

You might be thinking, why don’t I just stay away from the sand box?

I would NEVER do that!  Not just because my daughter enjoys it.  But because it is a glorious place where children not only get dirty, but they play, they imagine, they learn and they touch. We have built "mouse houses," tunnels, long winding roads and, of course, castles.  We have added leaves, flowers, bark and wood chips to our creations.  Adding water completely changes everything!  We sink our fingers in and notice the heat and coolness and the grit.

The sand box is also a social place for making new friends, sharing toys, and beginning to learn how to deal with conflict.  My daughter is outgoing and confident.  She is learning to be patient with other children who are less so.  She is also learning how to incorporate the play of her younger brother who delights in ‘destroying’ her creations!  It is always nice to have enough sand toys to share with a new friend and it has always been nice when others have returned the favor to us.

Just as importantly, the sand box is a place for parents to meet other parents and share experiences, both the ones in front of our eyes in the sand, and those that are troubling us, or exciting us enough to want to talk about it.  Many an isolated new or 'old' mom (or nanny or "insert caregiver here") has found solace in a shared smile from someone who has "been there!"

In short, the sand box is the place to be!  So grab your pail and shovel (a plastic spoon and a recycled yogurt container will work) and go get dirty!  Oh, and don't forget to bring along your kids!

Simplify your summer!

My first series of workshops has been announced! Posters are up, as is my enthusiasm. Let the learning experiences begin!

First of all, I already know that I made too many posters. Funny, when I'm walking around town, I feel bombarded by visual advertising and yet when I walked around trying to find appropriate places to put up my poster, I found them lacking!

Secondly, I chose to make my posters in English despite its minority status here in Montreal. I did this because the book Simplicity Parenting, is still not available in French for the time being. The parent group in which I participated was primarily in English, but francophones were welcome and participated in whatever language was the most comfortable for them at the given moment. I plan to do the same and I do invite the French-speakers specifically in a small paragraph at the bottom left of the poster. Nonetheless, I have been turned down twice to put up my poster because it was in English. I am going to work on a French version this weekend, at least to be able to furnish a home-printed version if necessary.

I now have ten brand new beautiful copies of Simplicity Parenting just waiting for their new owners. Exciting!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

How do you view change?

This was a question posed to me and the other participants in the Simplicity Parenting Group Leader Training in one of our recent sessions. How would you answer it? I was surprised by the variety of answers and glad to understand this facet of working with a group in a learning environment.

Do you prefer your changes to be slow and organic, or intentional and systematic, or another combination?
Do you find yourself doing a lot of research or do you let your intuition guide you?
Do you see change as an opportunity for growth and increased consciousness?
Do you find that change is humbling or difficult? Do you feel this is more or less the case for children versus adults?
Do you tend to just let change happen?

One participant, who had recently attended a talk on the subject of change, explained that there are three types of change:

1) Change that simply happens a s a result of time moving forward.
2) Change that we control.
3) Change that is imposed upon us.

The first one, we are powerless to control, but we know it's inevitable. Obviously, the second type is generally the easiest to accept. The third type is where one would most likely meet up with, or be more likely to show resistance!




Working with Simplicity Parenting involves changes. When in a study group, participants are guided through a process where they identify a dissatisfaction involving an aspect of their home/family life; create a "small doable change" to address the dissatisfaction; then review and adjust if necessary. In these study groups, it is ideal if both parents can attend the sessions so there is not the need for the extra step of bringing the ideas home and enlisting the agreement of the partner who was not present for the initial thinking process.

This brings me to my contribution to the discussion on dealing with change. An acquaintance recently expressed, when discussing this work, that actually she was sending her husband to the group sessions because it was so often she who did all the research when it came to parenting and who was always in the position of having to"convince" or at least explain everything to her husband. And, (in addition to the discoveries that we were the same age, both Americans (from NY!) living in Montreal, married to Quebeckers (who are the same age), with two children...), I exclaimed, maybe too quickly, "Oh my gosh, my husband and I are exactly like that too!" To which she nonchalantly, trying hard to hide the "duh" in her voice said, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's a pretty common dynamic." To me, I felt instantly part of a new community and I have been noticing other moms talking about the same phenomenon, without me even bringing it up.

My husband and I have been making the effort to find a little couple time, a dinner here, a lunch there, and a nice long walk on a sunny Sunday in January. During these precious occasions I have been able to benefit from the lack of interruptions enough to continue to express some of my wishes for our family, mostly stemming from my work with Simplicity Parenting. Everything has been so well-received, I feel lucky. But it's not just luck. It is also because the ideas in Simplicity Parenting are adjustable...they are not "one size fits all" like some parenting advice that's out there. My husband and I are able to make these ideas our own and adjust them to fit our values and realities.

Testimonial

"I love how Simplicity Parenting in general, and especially in group work, encourages you to celebrate every step, even the smallest of steps, toward creating a life for your family that is in line with your values, not someone else's."

This is the testimonial I submitted to the leader of the Simplicity Parenting study group I completed recently, I hope those who will participate in my future groups will be similarly satisfied!

For me, for you...

My dear old Mac laptop, that I have had since 2006, is slowing down considerably and the funds are not there to replace it at this time. I've been deleting some things, trying to make room in the memory and then I came across my list of bookmarks--my extreeeemely long list of bookmarks--and I thought "Hmmm, blog=free storage=less clutter on my computer." So now when I come across something simplicity-minded that I want to save, I will post it here. For me: free storage and a way to organize some of my bookmarks! For you: handy dandy information from me!

One website in particular may appear regularly in my posts--Apartment Therapy. This site was co-founded by a former Waldorf teacher. I used to look at it quite a lot when I was in "baby room decor" mode and found many refreshing and affordable ideas. Now, I receive their updates on Facebook and notice that I don't have the time, need, or desire as much to look at their most common posts, which are house and room tours. But from time to time they post something that I find more practical and such was the case recently when I came across these organizing tips.

Here are, briefly, Apartment Therapy's ten tips on "How to be your own professional organizer," (the complete descriptions can be found by clicking the above link):

1. Get ready the night before
2. Open mail over the recycle bin
3. Write it down
4. Slow and steady wins the race
5. Time out
6. Play cards
7. Pad your time
8. Set goals
9. Give it up
10. Put it away now

I think numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 8 and 10 are pretty self-explanatory. The two that I plan to try very soon are numbers 5 and 6, which are basically cleaning games for you and your family. Number 5 suggests setting a timer and, with your children or without, doing as much straightening up as you can in the time you've allowed yourself. I can imagine this working for me and my daughter. Number 6 is also game-like as it suggests writing down a number of chores on index cards and you draw, or each family member draws, a card and that is the chore du jour (there are 'free days' included). My kids probably need to be older for that one, but I like the idea.

My husband is so good at number 10 that sometimes it gets on my nerves. He'll walk in the front door, walk straight to his desk, open the mail and recycle the envelopes before he even says hello (I guess that's number 2 too)! Luckily, it sometimes rubs off on me (not the anti-social part, just the "put it away now" part)--but not often enough !

Number 9 is a big one for the Simplicity Parenting folks. Especially in the realms of children's clothing, books and toys. The book perhaps doesn't speak strongly enough to the fact that we need to hold ourselves, the parents, to similar standards. "Give it up" refers to the idea of putting unused items in a box and after a certain amount of time, if it's still unused--give it up!

I confess that just before my baby arrived last Spring, I engaged a professional organizer to help me with getting the storage areas (closets) in our new condo organized. It was helpful, but sadly I have been not been 100% able to maintain the order we established, but maybe 75% and maybe that's not so bad! The biggest thing that stayed with me is to "keep like things together"--duh! But it's odd how, for example, I had craft supplies split into several spaces!

My efforts in the area of organization fall back into one of the ideas above--#4, "Slow and steady wins the race." I need to remind myself that even if I do something very small, teeny tiny even, that maintains or creates a more orderly household, it counts (hence the idea of "small doable changes"), and I get to be proud of even the smallest bit of domestic productivity during my full days!

And so do you! Which of these ideas will you try? Or maybe you've tried some already? I'd love to hear about it!

Begin...

"Begin." is the last sentence in the book called Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne.

This book has affected my life in a number of ways. I first read it about a year ago, quite quickly...more or less devoured it! My husband and I were inspired to make some changes in our household as a result. The toys were sorted and trips were made to the second-hand shops, known here in Montréal as friperies. The biggest change we made at this time was to move our 42" flat-screen TV (that was given to us as a wedding present and on which we so cozily and casually loved to watch movies before the arrival of two babies in 20 months) into a corner of our master bedroom and hid it behind a curtain.

This past Fall, I attended a parent study group and read the book a second time and completed homework assignments consisting of creating and following through on a "small doable change" related to each chapter of the book. Then there were the discussions: laughter, tears and sharing among parents who are trying to figure this job out!

In a few weeks I take the next step as I begin a training program to become a parent study group leader. I have been on maternity leave since the summer of 2009 and I welcome this opportunity to use my creativity and skills to spread the word about this work of simplifying, while at the same time enlarging my network of like-minded folks.

So, let's begin!