This was a question posed to me and the other participants in the Simplicity Parenting Group Leader Training in one of our recent sessions. How would you answer it? I was surprised by the variety of answers and glad to understand this facet of working with a group in a learning environment.
Do you prefer your changes to be slow and organic, or intentional and systematic, or another combination?
Do you find yourself doing a lot of research or do you let your intuition guide you?
Do you see change as an opportunity for growth and increased consciousness?
Do you find that change is humbling or difficult? Do you feel this is more or less the case for children versus adults?
Do you tend to just let change happen?
One participant, who had recently attended a talk on the subject of change, explained that there are three types of change:
1) Change that simply happens a s a result of time moving forward.
2) Change that we control.
3) Change that is imposed upon us.
The first one, we are powerless to control, but we know it's inevitable. Obviously, the second type is generally the easiest to accept. The third type is where one would most likely meet up with, or be more likely to show resistance!
Working with Simplicity Parenting involves changes. When in a study group, participants are guided through a process where they identify a dissatisfaction involving an aspect of their home/family life; create a "small doable change" to address the dissatisfaction; then review and adjust if necessary. In these study groups, it is ideal if both parents can attend the sessions so there is not the need for the extra step of bringing the ideas home and enlisting the agreement of the partner who was not present for the initial thinking process.
This brings me to my contribution to the discussion on dealing with change. An acquaintance recently expressed, when discussing this work, that actually she was sending her husband to the group sessions because it was so often she who did all the research when it came to parenting and who was always in the position of having to"convince" or at least explain everything to her husband. And, (in addition to the discoveries that we were the same age, both Americans (from NY!) living in Montreal, married to Quebeckers (who are the same age), with two children...), I exclaimed, maybe too quickly, "Oh my gosh, my husband and I are exactly like that too!" To which she nonchalantly, trying hard to hide the "duh" in her voice said, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's a pretty common dynamic." To me, I felt instantly part of a new community and I have been noticing other moms talking about the same phenomenon, without me even bringing it up.
My husband and I have been making the effort to find a little couple time, a dinner here, a lunch there, and a nice long walk on a sunny Sunday in January. During these precious occasions I have been able to benefit from the lack of interruptions enough to continue to express some of my wishes for our family, mostly stemming from my work with Simplicity Parenting. Everything has been so well-received, I feel lucky. But it's not just luck. It is also because the ideas in Simplicity Parenting are adjustable...they are not "one size fits all" like some parenting advice that's out there. My husband and I are able to make these ideas our own and adjust them to fit our values and realities.
